Treading Water 101

The Morning Train

2007-01-05T22:40:00.000+11:00

I'm comfortable in the knowledge that no one is reading this anymore, and my lax posting and poor punctuation are probably to blame.

But, for those Treading Water faithful (I'm dubbing you Treadders) out there who have come here on a whim, or perhaps accidently, or as a means to getting to another blog, I'm sure you'll be pleased to know that during January I'll be undertaking a course of Microeconomics.

Learning all about the economic decisions that every person makes every day. What we give up to take another action, and so on. Demand and supply curves. Opportunity cost. Microeconomics! For your reading pleasure!

Well I'm not doing it just for blog fodder, but doing one subject on it's own during January should alleviate the strain during this coming semester. The final semester. Ever.

Just to bring the faithful up to speed, I smashed university last semester, scoring consistatntly good marks in all the subjects despite a great deal of other time restraints during the second half of last year. I have a supplementary exam coming up for Stats, and a left over from Semester 1 2006. You can imagine how hard this has been to study for.

I'm wondering if it's even worth it. Perhaps it's best to cut my losses and instead focus on just nailing Microeconomics. We'll see what I wind up doing. The benefit of it is the small chance that I'll pass and therefore not have to do Stats again during this coming semester. On the other hand, if I just go to Microeconomics I'll be helping myself pass Microeconomics.

This says nothing for the gorgeous chatty Swiss girl who sits next to me in class. Demand curve indeed!

Decisions, decisions.

Mean To Me

2006-12-03T20:44:00.000+11:00

I’d much rather not have to post at all, but I haven’t posted for ages, so I may as well talk about what has been going on. The semester and the exam period are over. Between what I do (or did) for a living and exams, there wasn’t actually time for posting.

And there hasn’t been much to say, when I’m stuck working on assignments and exam study, there’s not much colour to the subject matter. There really isn’t room for much colour to the subject matter, there isn’t much latitude for discussing the fun and games of spending hours rereading texts and generally shitting yourself about the content of the exam.

For instance, in my studies of Balkans politics, I was banking on a question on the Little Entente (head to wikipedia for more information on that). In this exam, unlike about the last 9 in Balkans politics, there was no question on the Little Entente. Annoying.

Luckily I was handballed a question that was essentially identical to the question I answered in the seminar paper. Not annoying.

Now that I have studied for a lot of exams, I find that my concern is generally more about what will be on the exam, moreso than if I will pass or fail.

From here, I still have a couple of subjects to knock off. I’ll still be at uni next semester, even if it’s only part time. This is disappointing.

I’m also going to knock off a subject at summer school, joy.

It’d be fair to say this could be it as far as this blog goes. I have nothing new to say about university. Lets wait and see.

Dirty Pool

2006-10-13T19:47:00.000+10:00

On Wednesday I did something that I had vowed never to do since I started to study marketing: wore a suit for a group presentation.

And I basically only agreed to on two accounts. Firstly, that another group member nagged until we agreed; and secondly, that it was the last group work presentation ever, and hence time to celebrate.

There were two groups presenting during the tutorial, and we went first. Fairly standard presentation, little substance, a degree of style, and me in a belt.

The second group struggled a touch, but also made a crucial mistake. When delivering their planned objective for the particular product we all presented on - let's say it's a gin - they gave projected sales growth figures that were rubbish. It stood out like the proverbial dog's testes, and was something we were specifically asked not to do.

Anyway, otherwise they were fine. Bonus marks for not being henpecked into wearing a suit too. However, one of our group members then did something that I have always considered bad pool - our group member got stuck into them about the sales figures.

This is the tutors job, never a fellow students. Group presentations are annoying enough without being picked off for mistakes. As it happened the tutor did notice it, and brought it up later.

Two or possibly three semesters ago a girl, a very annoying girl, gave a presentation about the Body Shop in which she focussed heavily on the high ethical quality of the brand, and the fact that it is a major point of difference for the retailer. She then went on to talk about a proposed product launch that was to be held at the Crown Casino Palladium Ballroom.

Ahh, yeah. No one picked her up on it, despite how much we'd all liked to have gotten one back on her for annoying us for the previous 13 weeks.

You just have to let these things slide I think, and spare a thought for your fellow suffering presenter who just wants it to be over.

University Life Glossary Term #18

2006-09-24T12:28:00.000+10:00

Prattle Fatigue

To become increasingly sick of hearing the same annoying voices in the same tutes after a 10 week stretch of uni without a break.

(Thank god for this week's break.)

Josh H.

2006-09-21T19:53:00.000+10:00

Yet another mild disappointment.

The Spirit

2006-09-18T01:20:00.000+10:00

Ordinarily at this time of year I stop posting all that often, this is normally because I've run out of motivation and have just flat out stopped going to uni. This semester... well I'm pleased to say this is not the case. I've probably missed 5 classes so far this semester, with two being over the past week due to a feral cold I've been lugging around.

(Nothing beats the first cold of spring, an annual tradition.)

Right now I have three more deadlines before the drudgery of exam study begins, and I'm looking pretty good for a pass in all four subjects.

Now that wasn't too hard was it? It only took me 6 years to develop reasonable study habits - or possibly to develop some motivation.

That's the update. How are you going?

Dr. Karl

2006-09-02T03:21:00.000+10:00

When I came back to univeristy after the year off, I found that I didn't have a great deal of friends at univeristy. There were a few factors at play in this happening, and the year away was probably the least of them. I should also really say 'aquaintances' or 'associates' rather than friends. That would sum up the nature of the univeristy friend relationship a lot better. I was also in a relationship at the time, which despite it's steady decline, kept me clothed in a feeling of acceptance than meant I didn't actively seek out the friendship of others.

During the year I had off - which was the second year out of high school for those of you keeping track at home - I met a girl called Kylie. She lived in Albury, and myself and Cavalier basically stumbled across her in a pub there (The Globe - do we have any Albury based readers?). Through a protacted process involving beer, some mobile phones and a shocking memory, me and Kylie became friends. Proper friends, we confided in each other, etc. At the time I was in said realtionship, so before those of you who know me personally, and read this, get any ideas - there was no romantic interest.

Tall and pretty, Kylie was a favourite of my mates too, and soon earned the pseudonium of Dr. Karl via a system which we had in place that allowed us to discuss girls while we were in our workplace. (Geez, those were the days! Girls! What a time to be alive!)

Our educational record was similar, we had both dropped out and taken a year off. When I went back to uni after the year off, she moved to Melbourne and started at my uni. She lived on campus, and I spent the odd lazy afternoon sitting around her common lounge room talking shit with her housemates and listening to bad mid-day TV revolve in the background.

At the time i was working a job in the mornings before uni, and would show up to class tired and bored. At around 1PM, Dr. Karl's unemployed, parentally supported friends would stumble out of their bedrooms into the living room and complain of how tired they are, how late for class, and how they simply don't have the time to do homework, before promptly returning to bed.

To be continued.

New Monday Resolution

2006-08-31T21:45:00.000+10:00

I've been a bit quiet lately. In the past this has indicated that I have basically gone into my shell and stopped doing much study, stopped attending, and consequently have nothing to talk about. This semester is a little different. I've attended every class, gone to every tute, done almost all the reading. I was doing okay with the reading until about two weeks ago when the assignments began, biting into my time and leaving me slightly behind now.

This is unusual, I'm normally yet to open a textbook at this point.

However, I do need to get back into nailing the reading, leading over the past two weeks to what I call the New Monday Resolution. Come the end of the week I'll spend a night sleeping, waking up the next day only to decide that 'next Monday I will start back at studying.'

It hasn't happened yet, so I'm saying now that Next Monday I Will Start Studying for this coming Monday.

University Life Glossary Term #17

2006-08-30T11:29:00.000+10:00

Sectional dilemma

Looking over another group members section of a group assignment.

You should never ever look at another group member's potentially terrible section of a group assignment without being aware of two questions:
A) Can I be enough of a prick that I'll just go ahead and re-write it? and,
B) Can I be bothered rewriting it?

If you can't answer yes to both these questions, it's better to never ever look at another group member's section. Ignorance is truly bliss in this case.

Shared Drive 2

2006-08-14T20:03:00.000+10:00

This time from a chatlog on the computer I'm currently slaving away on:

[04:50:42 PM] You Know I'm: hi
[04:50:42 PM] You Know I'm: fatass
[04:51:15 PM] * You Know I'm so COOL and SWEET, when people see me they jump outta their seat! has been blocked

And Romania was like 'no way man', and the Commission of Reparations was like 'way'.

2006-08-14T18:09:00.000+10:00

This semester my arts faculty wildcard subject is the Political History of the Balkans.

Man, what a place. Just as it dragged itself kicking and screaming, separately and with a great deal of fuss, out from under Ottoman Empire rule during the first decades of the 20th century, it was faced with the crippling lack of infrastructure at the same as it needed to fund and develop armies now it has borders and states to defend. The parallels between this dawn and the new dawn as it emerged from Yugoslav rule are distinct.

Did you know that during the early stages of the 20th century, hogs were the chief export of Serbia? No? Well now you do.

I'm confident that I've just put the reading audience to sleep. Sweet dreams.

Tanking

2006-07-27T21:23:00.000+10:00

For those of you aware of this horror, I had to go through it twice this week. However, on Tuesday I found that selection for the first two tutes was relatively painless.

It seems the boffins who run the tutorial sign in system opened the system at 9am, and told everyone that it'd be open at 10am. Quick and painless if you're smart enough to try it out early.

Thursday's tutorial sign in was done by my car pooling friend Bec, who kindly helped out with me sitting in an office in the city for a meeting of sorts.

The other, my Balkans politics class - which I might add may as well be Balkans history - was done the normal in class way.

This is all rather boring. This semester is easily the most organised I have been, I really have no other option though. Things simply have to happen, there is no room for messing around. This is what i am telling myself.

(don't dream it's over)

2006-07-16T23:59:00.000+10:00

There isn't much to say that hasn't already been said. This will make for a boring post, but this is the first post of a semester that promises to be the most hectic so far.

There will be no mid-semester trip to Cairns, there will be no room for weekends away. Easter will not happen, and I will not stumble about throwing wet shoes at tents.

I won't be spending much time, if any, at the (Melbourne International) Film Festival (spelt out for the unaware).

This is essentially make or break, I have to bust some ass to get through a lot this semester in the face of some fairly large scale things going on in the background. Things that typical attempts at blog anonymity preclude me from sharing with you.

In terms of graduating, the reality that I can share with you, loyal blog reader, is that I'll more than likely have a couple of subjects left over past the end of this semester, before I can graduate. I'm comfortable with this, I doubt everyone else that takes an interest in my studies such as my parents, the tax department, the university is, but I've learned to deal with it.

This coming semester is fairly marketing intensive, keeping in mind the fact that I've been able to get by before now on a diet of core business subjects and politics subjects with marketing as a side serve more or less. I'll have one politics subject which looks like being Balkans related - this will be great for those marketing jobs I go for in Belgrade next year.

The semester proper is a week away, meh.

Seperation.

2006-07-05T23:34:00.000+10:00

It's finished, I walked out of the last Electronic Marketing exam pleased that it was all over. The exam had being identical, letter for letter, to last year's exam. This was excellent news, as I'd spent the morning reading last year's exam and reassuring myself that things would be 'alright'.

I've become trained at dealing with exams, learning how to cope with the demands of passing a subject and balancing everything out. I'm not in any good at it, but I am passable, of that I am sure.

With that over I then had to make up the time I had missed at work, and have spent this week doing just that. This isn't so bad, as my nights aren't spent studying and meticulously avoiding study; in study's place, I have embarked upon The Student's See Everyone You Havent Seen For Months Tour. This has been good so far, and reminds me of how those who aren't stuck in work and study live their lives. You know, the life of leisure.

(Hmmm. Woe is me.)

The above mentioned tour could also be known as the Pasta and Beer tour - though it has managed to so far, and will continue to, involve some excellent company. I have three weeks off between now and the start of the next semester, which to most is plenty of time - and really is.

I'm dying to get away - I say this every time, but instead of needing to be somewhere, I just need to not be here. At this desk, at the desk at work, at any desk, staring at any computer.

I really have nothing funny or intelligent to say, see you all in a few weeks.

Escape

2006-06-26T22:03:00.000+10:00

Another exam today, and the bloke behind me stank. Ripely. 'Twas a most reipely stink.

Would anyone like to know anything about the Howard Government? Or the era of Menzies? Would you like to know anything about the way in which both of them coveted the middle class as their own?

Ask me know, because in a week I won't remember any of it.

My sleep pattern are a mess, I generally try and find time to study in and around work and, at the moment, watching soccer. I havent had 8 hours sleep in about three weeks, but I've slept through Helen Kapoulos with her steamy 5pm bulletin more times than I care to recall.

Thursday is the very last day for the semester, and on Friday night I am going out. Out in style.

Start spreading the news....

learnalilgivinanlovin

2006-06-25T01:11:00.000+10:00

Studying is made infiniately easier when you are attempting to learn about subject matter which you enjoy or are familiar with. How obvious is that, I'm sure the 3 of you who read this are rocking back in your desk chairs saying:

"You are a genius."

Meantime, the last week spent studying ethics in international relations was so dry you could hear the rasping noise of my eyes scrolling across each page of readings. It needs to be said that I actually enjoy ethics, I find it interesting, however it can be impossibly hard to read when you're dealing with source texts written by a guy who was born in 354 CE (wtf is CE?!!!).

Reading up on Australian political culture on the other hand is a snap, and I breeze through the reading taking notes and stopping to connect the theories together in my head.

(I can't find a decent picture of Dougie Houser to accompany this last line, but rest assured it'd probably be nudged out by a picture of Angela Lansbury typing away in the opening credits of Murder She Wrote.)

Of course, my brimming confidence displayed in the post could be linked back to when I find out that I have failed the subject in about a months time. I never know how I have gone in an exam, it's too hard to really be sure if you're given the marker what they want to read, particularly if the question you're answering is framed that broadly that it doesnt include the sort of clues you're looking for.

While we're at it, can I give a big shout out to the World Cup? You're really helped me study during this exam period, possibly the longest exam period ever in the history of history, prick. You have also single handedly ruined my long term first semester exam period affair with Big Brother UpLate's Mike Goldman. I miss you Mike, call me?

It's Sunday, and I have two exams to go before this is finished. Then normal life will resume.

(By the way, while not wanting to cut in on Ruth's schtick, anyone who doesn't recognise the title of this post should find a song by Gotye by the same name, good track)

University Life Glossary Term #16

2006-06-22T03:40:00.000+10:00

Wikistudy

Studying for an exam by typing the title of a particular week's study materials into the serch engine of Wikipedia.

84th Minute

2006-06-14T03:07:00.000+10:00

Really not helping me study guys.

Shared Drive 1

2006-06-06T19:26:00.000+10:00

Using shared computers at Uni normally creates issues when you have to save your work. Personally I like to email the item to myself, effectively storing it in my inbox, and then delete the file from the computer. Afterall, I don't need anyone reading my humourously poorly written assignment on the Howard Government's treatment of asylum seekers. (Howard's treatment of the New Seekers was much better in comparison.)

To compliment this evening's labourious reading of Just War Tradition texts, I present to you, fresh from the computer I am currently using... Profile With Sword.

Kind of Empty

2006-05-30T01:44:00.000+10:00

"Four years? You've been gone four years!?"

"Lauren, we've been out of high school six years."

"Shit."

A system of credits and trades.

2006-05-27T16:45:00.000+10:00

I think only a bout of spazmodic interpretive dance could express how much I dislike uni right at this very moment. It is threatening to devour me.

the damage done

2006-05-23T01:28:00.000+10:00

While reading through an appraisal of world hunger by Garret Hardin, I found a phrase written neatly into the text in fine blue ink.

When the thrasher comes, I'll be stuck in the sun Like the dinosaurs in shrines But I'll know the time has come To give what's mine

I've since worked out that these words are lyrics from Neil Young's The Thrasher. I'm more interested in what the line of text from Hardin that preceeds it - '...a world that must solve real and pressing problems of over population and hunger.' - has to do with the song.

Then again perhaps I should just get on with writting the essay.

Edit: John Arthur's tome on the right and duty to bring air scored this:

Love so easily dies when there's nothing left to conquer.

Dip and Swing

2006-05-21T18:35:00.000+10:00

Three deadlines this week.

Fantastic.

The Homer

2006-05-17T23:29:00.000+10:00

I've become quite friendly with one of the people in my group, and my natural instinct was never to tell them about this blog, despite my occasional temptation to. We share a similar hatred of uni work, and it also appeared that my group assignment for this semester was going to go off so seemlessly as to not even warrant a post about how lazy/untalented/missing in action my group mates are - consequently I was going to tell my group mate about Treading Water.

Luckily I didn't, because I need to tell you all about one of the main problems with group assignments.

I generally take on the role of editing and collating the information and presenting it in something remote resembling a cohesive report - and I am doing this again this semester. This isn't always easy, not least of all because most of the content from my fellow group members arrives in the last few days before it's due, in a myriad of fonts besides Times New Roman, a range of sizes, and even in bold.

Some of this was nipped in the bud with me anally declaring at the first group meeting that 'if I'm putting it together, you can send me the information in 12 point Times New Roman, or bust.' However, this doesn't prohibit perhaps this most annoying aspect of editing other people's work, which is the dire lack of cohesion between everyone's copy.

Demographic plans never match up, target markets always differ, levels of spending, advertising priorities and so on... Editing this stuff is hard work, but eventually you just give up and go Find/Replace crazy start switching demographic spreads be remote control.

Perhaps the more frustrating aspect of this particular type of an assignment (a single 4000 word marketing report, split roughly between each of the four group members) is that some group members will either underkill or overkill the creative aspects of the assignment.

In this case, I've turned a blind eye to an online advertsing portal for a retail that product that has grown to include items such as a personalised blog for every person who logs in. None of this is accounted for in the budgets - nor is it needed or a requirement of the assignment. It seems subtlety is dead.

While reading through the plan I was greeted with a list of items in which creativity wasn't tempered by a mind for fiscal pressures, the likely reaction of the lecturer, or, primarily, the needs of the target audience. It vaguely reminded me of this...

Damn Kids...

2006-05-11T14:32:00.000+10:00

Oh yeah...

Lately I've been beset by Wedding-Palooza 2006, complete with two weddings in which had something resembling a central role, we all know what weddings means don't we people?

The phrase 'time consuming' comes to mind. In all seriousness, I couldn't be happier to be part of the two weddings, and wouldn't have things any other way. But something had to give, yeah you better believe it was uni.

So I'm getting back on deck with uni and that including posting her for the first time in a couple of weeks - although I'm sure no one gives a shit.

I have to say that I am up to date, that is one positive.

I've completed three of the requirements for Stats, including a mid semester exam in which I received a massive wake up call about my choice of calculator for the subject.

As I'm sitting there about to start with this massive button lump of shit calculator that I had snatched off my bosses desk due to the fact that it had a square root button, everyone around my unpacks these 506 button wonder calculators that look like they'd be more at home in a game of laser hunt.

I was suffering severe calculator envy, I actually hid my behemoth calculator from view before the exam started. I was wondering if I should email the lecturer of the course and say:

"Am facing an increased chance of failure due to not having a calculator which will not only calculate the standard deviation of the variable, but also turn on my neighbours living room lights when they arrive home from work?"

Ethics; me and the delightfully up front about being behind Steph delivered a class room discussion about the ethics of world poverty, in which I had to do a little devils advocate work involving prominent ecologist Garrett Hardin, who amongst other things, advocated for letting starving people in an area such as the Sudan die, as it'd be morally wrong to support them beyond their means, only for them to have to support them again later.

Controversial stuff, but with a tute class of 9 people, we actually did pretty well to keep it going. By the way, anyone that claims that tutes are over crowded has obviously never been to a late semester tute, replete with barely more than half a dozen students, one tutor and about 18 empty seats.

There's a few major assignments still to come this month, so don't expect the posting to return to semester dawning proportions, but I'll be posting more... or less.

Embers.

2006-04-18T22:47:00.000+10:00

The return to Marlo holds no real importance to uni other than the fact that unlike last year, I spent exactly no time thinking about uni.

Yay for tired and windblown me.

with old friends

2006-04-10T00:18:00.000+10:00

Distractions, I'm trapped by so many distractions.

For the past three weekends I have played cricket both days, as my team snuck unexpectedly into the finals, then into the next game, then eventually into the grand final. This is all well and good, in fact it'd be great if we'd managed to win the grand final. Instead we lost what we should have won, resigned to being a bit of a laughing stock, and then consequently celebrated the loss in a similar manner to the victors.

Regardless of all of this, I am trying to pass uni and keep my head above water, passing distractions are not helping.

Three weekends eaten up, numerous weekdays taken up the Commonwealth Games, and subsequent struggles to catch up have left me feeling as if I'm treading water. The Comedy Festival is coming up, and the footy season has started.

I'm about to get a week off, and face it in better nick than I was this time last year. I'm heading to Marlo again for Easter, but I'm still, despite my good itentions and hard work, facing having to catch up during the week off.

Blah.

Catch it!

2006-04-03T12:43:00.000+10:00

Daylight savings time appears to have wrong footed me. Somehow, despite getting everything right yesterday, I managed to follow a wrong clock today (it was either my beside clock, or the clock on my eMac, I'll be holding an enquiry when I get home), and walked into my tute to be greeted by the Phantom of the University-esque AV guy busily shifting a television out of the room.

TS: "Ahhh, what's happening here?"

AVG: "Excuse me."

I'd prefer it if he'd shot back with something like, 'night time, sharpens, heightens each sen-sa-tioonnn." But alas, I have to work all the tricks myself when it comes to turning university life into a pliable, enjoyable written form.

With my spare hour I decided to grab some coffee and food, and was afforded the sort of gift wrapped blog fodder you can only dream about when four (presumably nursing) students huddled around next to me to sip away at their morning coffees.

I try to keep the 'listen to what this dickhead next to me said' recollections to a minimum on here, but their comments, coupled with their efforts to fight the tide of tracksuit pants that is sweeping the uni as Melbourne turns the switch to 'cold' makes them worthy of inclusion.

While the rest of the university succumbs to bad fashion, as the freezing Week 6 blues envelop the university, these four were fighting it back with low cut tops, high heels, and what was either terrible fake tan, or many hours spend in a solarium - either way, the result was disastrously out of place and orange.

Across coffee, and to the cooing oohhs and ahhs of her audience, the mother hen discussed her pending trip to Spain, her brother's return from Italy, and the way in which she drinks coffee really quickly when she is 'having coffee with men.'

Hen: "When I was working in the city, the head photographer used to take me out for coffee all the time, and I would like drink so much coffee. And he would like tell me about his sex life and stuff, tell me he had photos and everything."

Chorus: "Coo. Ooh. Ahh."

Hen: "And at the end he would always pay for the coffee, and I'd be all unsure about whether I should have coffee with him, if it was for the right reasons. But he'd pay again next time as well."

Prior to this they talked about how much they hated Lee Harding, but the mother hen added glibly that 'I liked that Wasabi song.' At this point, another of them joined from a second pack that had formed and piped up, 'did you say you liked that Wasabi song?'

Chorus: 'WASABI! TSUNAMI!'

Eventually I had to go, although now I'm wondering if I might have caught dumb off them. Is that possible?

O Week

2006-03-29T01:57:00.000+11:00

I've never really gotten into the O Week thing, in fact, I couldn't tell you, apart from a tour of the campus for first year students, a single thing that happens in O Week at my university.

I remember the first day I went to uni, the four of us from my high school who were accepted into my uni all packed into the one car and went along to check out exactly what uni was about. I don't recall much except my excitement at the handing out of free beer in the quadrangle, and my cringing at the tour guide, and introductory host both making a similar joke along the lines of 'yeah, beer, wow, cool, yeah man, beer - we drink it a lot, you'll get used to that.'

Beer, we get it.

There's nothing remarkable about this apart from the fact that I never spoke to any of the people in that car at uni again, athough I specifically remember avoiding walking past one of them once, possibly twice. During first week I drive to uni on my own now, and sit in traffic behind cars of three or four first year students, brimming with excitement. During forth week the traffic is considerably less.

Am I missing out on something here? To me it has always seemed like in order to be part of it, I would have to attend university for the better part of another week prior to the begining of the semester proper. No dice.

University Life Glossary Term #15

2006-03-22T04:48:00.000+11:00

Sleeper Cell

Cells in the blood stream that attack the central nevous system during a lecture, forcing a student to fall asleep despite the discomfort of sitting upright in an uncomfortable chair.

Likely to attack at the most embarrasing moment, such as when the student is sitting in the front row.*

Despite the rumoured benefits of stimulants such ascoffee, there is no known cure for Sleeper Cells.

(* Happened on Monday, sitting barely two metres from the lecturer.)

Tin, Tin, Tin for The Student!

2006-03-22T03:45:00.000+11:00

The year has started pretty well, by all accounts - tutes have been attended, lecture notes taken, vast swathes of knowledge taken in.

But attending univesity in Mebourne has a higher degree of difficulty than other cities, as in March we get hit with a pile of events that take up your free time (your study time) outside of work and uni contact hours.

Ordinarily it's just the start of the football season, and festivals such as the annual comedy festival, but this year we've had the mother of all festivals - 11 days of Australia obliterating all comers at the Commonwealth Games.

I can think of no other instance in which I would want to spend an afternoon watching badminton, however that's what I did last Thursday, and have laziliy day dreamed about doing each day since. In fact, keen observers of yesterday's match between Australia and South Africa in the women's hockey were aparently treated to images of an increasingly sunburnt me watching the girls hand out autographs following the match.

How many people can say they have watched Trinidad and Tobago take on Singapore in table tennis? How about Uganda destroying Tonga in the Rugby 7's? Northen Ireland's dynamic Topping brothers defeating a Sri Lankan pairing in the men's doubles Badminton?

Yesterday morning I sipped coffee and rubbed tiredness from my eyes after spending all night finishing an assignment, while sitting in the stands and watching the men's pairs lawn bowls, between the noble lawn bowling nations of Australia and Fiji. One of the Canadian mens pairs team on the next rink was sporting the sort of pirate like bandana that would have seen him equally at home on the bowls green and the high seas.

All of this happened while my Stats lecture went on without me.

In order to make up for the shortfall in free time during the day I'm pushing the note taking and weekly text reading deep into the night, leaving me tired the next day, creating the sort of cycle of tiredness that is going to see me sleep for half of next week... of course by then the Games will be over, so that's okay.

I am as sorry as you are, Dimitri!

2006-03-13T16:00:00.000+11:00

Before the lecturer arrives for the lecture, a stereotypically dressed young student revolutionary arrives and addresses the class.

In order to encourage us to come along to a free lecture his group is holding, he tells us about the civil unrest that has recently befallen the sunny latin American nation of Venezuela.

During his piece, he utters the phrase, "Venezuela is next on American hit list after Iran." My initial response is a mixture of 'huh?' and 'what?'. Apart from the massive breach of US central intelligence it would be for this cliche Green Left Weekly reading student revolutionary to actually have access to this 'hit list', I briefly couldn't comprehend why the U.S. would bother with Venezuela.

Iran is busying itself with the sort of nuclear energy program that only a lovable rogue nation like Iran cheekily persist with, hence America's more than passing interest in the affairs of the state. But Venezuela?

America has Venezuela at Number Two? At this stage I'm beginning to see George C. Scott sitting around an oval table in Dr. Strangelove's war room, "I sure wish WE had one of those Doomsday Machines." What could the U.S. possibly want with tropical Venezuela?

Perhaps the U.S. wants to harness the nation's seemingly unlimited supply of Miss World, and Miss Universe winners, with the nation holding five and four sashes respectively. This would allow America to more effectively fight it's long running and post 9/11, War on Ugly.

After a few moments I remembered that Venezuela is one of the worlds largest exporters of crude oil, and the sole South American member of OPEC - kind of like that guy in the Backstreet Boys.

TUTE-MANIA!

2006-03-10T20:23:00.000+11:00

Tutes! Tute for three of my four subjects started this week, and boy what excitement and merriment they caused.

Long time readers of treading water, or the tread for those streetwise readers, will be aware of my on-again off-again relationship with stats. Well it's finally working out for me and stats, with me actually losing my stats tutorial virginity this week.

I'm glad to say it didn't hurt a bit - I went all the way and it was great.

I showed up with all my work done, took notes, corrected ogives, fabulous.

The tutes are fairly stand and deliver, leaving me little room for witty character analysis of my fellow students, however there are three guys with 'celebrity hair' in the front row who are sure to keep me entertained with their ongoing 'ohmigawd Steve, that's maaad' behaviour. And there is the guy, replete in shredded adidas tracksuit pants, which I sat next to, who wrote out the calculations and answers to all the set questions during the tute.

I guess we'll see how that works out for him, but my tip is for me to continue bagging him on here for the next 14 weeks, if only to enhance my feelings of superiority.

My international ethics tute is taken by the lecturer, who is pretty good. About 10 minutes into the tute, one of the guys with celebrity hair from the Stats tute walked in asking if this was an 'um, accounting tute'. Briefly I was able to relive past Arts student glories, as I joined in the laugh of a combined group of Arts students, desperate for any small victory we could take over those Business students, with their degrees that can actually get them a job, bastards.

I'm actually really enjoying this subject so far; although I am suffering from the flashbacks to a Philosophy course I took way, way back in 2003. Ethics is a classic 'there is no right answer' course, which is almost similar to Philosophy, which is a classic 'there is one right wrong answer' course. Highlights of that course included the tutor saying, 'But what if I say the sky is green?' and me being unable to open my mind beyond the simple point: 'but it isn't."

More on the Ethics tute in another post.

I managed to be late for the political culture tutorial, being unable to find the room and having to talk myself through a small of anxiety at having to walk in late in front of the tute group. I missed the tutor's spiel about what her PhD subject is, but was able to garner from the 45 minutes of tutor led discussion that it related in some massive way to the Aboriginal people of this fine land.

We've scored another exceedingly old mature aged student in this class, who may very well have received the baton from the object of Ruth's ongoing frustrations. She is still pretty sharp though, and got Stuck Into The Howard Government (tm) on a few occasions, which is tantamount to a pass in this class. Notably opinionated was Mr. Brown Boatshoes, who saw fit to dedicate three expanses of classroom discussion to giving us a breakdown on how 'we can never over throw the two major parties, THERE CAN NEVER BE CHANGE!'

On the third time, when he punctuated an extraordinarily valid and highly informative point I made about compulsory voting, I gave him the sort of look-and-non-response that is sure to see him keen to remind me that 'THERE CAN NEVER BE CHANGE!' again and again through the year.

At some point, during a surprisingly animated analysis of compulsory voting, and whether of not it actually constitutes and infringement of a citizen's liberty, the exceedingly old mature aged student looks over her glasses at the young and indie tutor and says:

"Well, in America, some groups have done very well out of being able to mobilise to vote, like the Negroes."

A full seven or eight seconds of silence evaporates before the tutor replies correctively, "you mean, African Americans."

University Life Glossary Term #14

2006-03-10T01:53:00.000+11:00

Lanyardistas.

A group of students who persist with wearing an accessory laiden lanyard around their neck.

When did it become fashionable to carry your mobile, ipod, or keys around your neck - let alone your student card, photo copy card, or worst of the worst, keys to your flat on campus?

The answer is never.

The Fix

2006-03-07T23:19:00.000+11:00

Second hand books are most often bought anonymously through an SRC run service, or privately via the use of pinned up adverts providing details of books available and a contact number...

Hi, (sorry for the late txt) do you still have the e-marketing txt book available? Ta, TS.

Hi TS, ive still got it. ill be at uni on thurs from 11 to 4 with a break from 1 to 2, is that convenient 4 u? - Rimmy

Yeah, out the front of the library at 1.10? I'll bring the $25 in unmarked bills in a brown paper bag!

Ha ha! Its a deal - c u then : )

...so, is Rimmy a girl? Is Rimmy allured by The Student's overtly lame graft and corruption humour?

Stay tuned readers!

Update: She was hot.

University Life Glossary Term #13

2006-03-05T14:56:00.000+11:00

Flotsam.

The student planner.

I have never written a single thing in one of these, or taken it with me to uni past the first week of the year.

Does anyone use these?

Their Covers

2006-03-03T19:29:00.000+11:00

Another year, (yet another class with Gary), another group assignment.

Walking to this class in scorching early March heat, I reminded myself that there was a group assignment in this subject, and that nothing more than personal proximity was going to decide who I was going to be working with. I chose a seat carefully eyeing off the people I was going to be sitting near, as the fans whirred and clicked trying to suppress the heat building in the sun blessed 3rd floor room.

This semester we have the option, should we choose to, of doing the entire 4000 word assignment that constitutes 40% of the class mark ourselves, and avoiding the group assignment torture all together.

This is akin to having the answer the question, do you want to punch yourself in the stomach once hard, or punched repeatedly by three people with varying levels of impact depending on their ability to show up to meetings, write coherently, and reply to emails?

I'd consider the prospect of producing the entire 4000 word assignment yourself to be too time consuming, and therefore not worth the effort. I'd also consider that the fact that no matter how annoying working in a group is, it beats the actual time it'd take to write out a 4000 word assignment.

Amidst a conversation going on directly behind me which involved, word for word, the statement, "I'm spending over $200 a month on muscle supplements, my missus doesn't understand," 4 or 5 people actually put their hand up and indicated to the lecturer that they were doing it on their own.

4 or 5 bad moves.

Not for the first time, I'm in a group with three girls. Considering this is a third year subject, and we've all done at least three group assignment already, there should be little room for group work bullshit - but only 14 weeks of study will tell.

University Life Glossary Term #12

2006-02-28T22:40:00.000+11:00

Interjectionary.

A comment from a student during a lecture that is laced with important sounding words in order to give the impression of validity to the interjection despite it having no validity what so ever.

"But your statements regarding the second part make it appear that the second doesn't aim to acheive the same hypothesis as the first.*"

(* Actual statement.)

The one I can't tell you about.

2006-02-27T10:25:00.000+11:00

"I've become a bit of a professional at this."

I handed the cashier my money, as payment for my parking permit, accompanied by the small yellow application form. My comment drew the blunt non-response of a person who was facing up to a long day of processing forms and was seeking any moment, even 15 seconds or so, in which he could get away from the front desk and the stream of parking permit applications.

I have become a professional at this, I have had more first days of the university year than I can share with you without blushing. I can remember when a parking permit cost me $50, it's now almost three times that.

Sadly, all too much of my time on the first day is made up of chasing lecturers and course co-ordinators around to seek their approval to join their course. I'm a fence sitter, I'm completing a business degree, whilst still filling out my remaining course blocks with arts subjects. The prospect of majoring simultaneously in Marketing and Management would be easier, however that would mean studying more Management.

Don't study Management.

Each course co-ordinator is different, they all require different levels of pleading, although most are comfortable to have you, just so long as you are showing an interest in their course.

In the same cramped reception area where you pay for your parking permit, you can update your student card. Two competing queues snake and the cease to exist in their own. Students putting money on their card trip over the stray bags of haphazard, inexperienced first and second timers.

The girl manning the counter re-adjusted the machine to find space on my card to print 2006 without printing over all the other years I have collected.

Welcome Form to Return

2006-02-16T20:04:00.000+11:00

No small amount of effort goes into getting yourself out of bed. No small amount of effort on any day, let alone a day which involves going to uni.

Sleep is the thing I miss most when the university year rolls around again. The opportunity to look at the clock and guiltlessly roll over and close your eyes. University removes all that.

Every spare moment is a moment you should, supposedly, be spending studying.

That book you want to read, you can't do that without feeling like you should be reading study notes.

That weekend you spend away with friends, you can't consider that without dedicating serious amounts of time to stressing about the work you aren't doing while you're away.

And that blog, you'd better keep procrastinating and writing that blog.

Welcome back to Treading Water 101.

Special Summer Exam Edition

2006-01-18T00:34:00.000+11:00

I had a supplementary exam this morning, an exam sat well outside the semester and in this case, some 7 months after the completion of the course it corresponds to.

They are extraordinarily hard to motivate yourself to study for, and in the end become a mercy mission of sorts - where you prepare and complete the task in a blur of notes and reading, before returning to the summer holiday world the moment the exam finishes as if nothing happened.

I found myself sitting outside the exam gee-ing myself up, 'get in, get out, just get it done.'

'break the wrist, walk away'

TV Re-Runs

2005-12-11T19:36:00.000+11:00

Due to somewhat popular request, this exists.
It's where I'll be hiding till uni returns.

Owned

2005-12-10T23:07:00.000+11:00

My unbeaten run of destroying management subjects continues.

Got my marks, pretty happy.

Conclusion.

2005-11-27T00:48:00.000+11:00

Which is always the introduction rewritten to save time and effort.

So, this has been a year of me blogging about my going to university. I'm pretty unimpressed with bits of it personally. I don't spend enough time in tutes or lectures to provide the reading public with enough cynical analysis of the people around me in class.

This has been a good opportunity to meet some people as well, having made a number of acquintances and the odd friend through the simple existance of this blog.

(I'm still rounding out my canvasing for my position as Melbourne's Most Eligable Blogger.)

Still, the poster post seemed to set a few people off, and was pretty good fun - an on the spot expose.

I have an exam in January, a throw back to an illness passed - there is likely to be some blogging surrounding that. But until then, I wouldnt expect to see much.

I will be at uni next year, and anticipate it being the last year.

Until then, thanks to everyone who has stopped by, and to everyone who has commented, also thanks to everyone who has linked to me.

See you all soon.

headLand

2005-11-24T20:16:00.000+11:00

Has anyone else had the misfortune of sitting through more than ten minutes worth of this?

Apparently, this cross between E-Street and Ship to Shore features a university, and I only know this because of some of the choice lines that some of the ensemble cast of hip young leading Australian talent has dropped.

Lines such as:

'I'm training to be a professional sports scientist.'*

'I've missed two lectures this morning!'

and,

'I'll be late for class.'

Clearly the script advisor either studied too much, simply has no concept of what university life constitutes these days.

Further to this, the series was originally named 'Campus' - lame.

I'll keep you updated on when it's name changes to 'Cancelled'.

(* I've been notified of a complaint that perhaps I am not treating the many sports scientists out there with enough respect. From here on in I'd like to qualify the above remark with the following: you guys are nothing but p.e. teachers in white coats. That is all.)

War is Over, if you want it.

2005-11-23T21:01:00.000+11:00

Yes please.

After what has been without doubt the most stressful and exam period ever, uni is finished for the year. What a frustrating year it has been. Plenty of new challenges and a new sense of direction, however still a great deal of work load and complication. However, I am leaving this year of study a more competant student than I left last years.

I drastically over estimated my ability to study politics again, the old 'good study' habits never really kicked in. Although, I certainly enjoyed the opportunity to study politics again; the, how shall we say... fickle, structure of essay marking showed how much I need to lift my game in the 'little things' catergory.

Not changing the exam venue at the last minute, and setting the venue as a tiny room ten minutes walk across the university might also help. I go to a big university, I walked over bridges. Bridges.

The exam period did finish with two of the better beers I have had lately with a fellow political theorist (of sorts).

This semester's exam period featured three exams, 8 days apart. Initially I was really happy with this. But, regardless of how much space there is, I am always going to spend no more than the last three days before the exam in this sort of format:

3 days to go: Meh.
2 days to go: Meh, I'd better check out that course guide.
1 day to go: Hardcore study.

The problem with this 8 day gap is the that days 8-4 before the exam are packed full of shit that I haven't done during those three days prior to the exam. I doubt I have communicated it properly in this forum, but I am not exactly short on shit to do. The 24 day length of the exam period wore out not just me, but work mates and friends also, as I grew increasingly irritable with the lack of time I had.

Now, my sleep patterns can return to normal, I can start looking 23 again, I can resume worrying about normal run of the mill stuff. Like sending fan mail to this girl:

This won't be the last post before I disappear till next year, but it's probably the second last. Maybe it's the last, I don't know. I need sleep.

References

2005-11-16T00:14:00.000+11:00

I'd like to welcome the people who have arrived here over the past few days via the Google searches of:

'bullshit excuses'

and

'students group assignment i truly hated'

I trust you enjoyed your stay.

***STOP PRESS***

Add 'transperant female fashions' to that list.

Ding Ding!

2005-11-14T22:51:00.000+11:00

For the first three months of my university life, I spent 3 hours a day on public transport.

Erica has summarised the sights, sounds and smells of public transport wonderfully with this post. She has also summarised her breasts.

I have nothing further to add.

Study Snapshot

2005-11-14T01:36:00.000+11:00

The next step in assessing market segments is a company review of current and potential product offerings in terms of their suitability for the country market or segment.

Fuck off.

Nostalgia Burns

2005-11-13T00:41:00.000+11:00

Meeting up with an old friend, a friend from the highschool before the highschool, generally brings forth a two hour conversation in which we assassinate the character of almost every person we used to circulate amongst at school, interspaced with a fair measure of self assessment.

This self assessment has been the same for both of us, every time we have spoken, for the last two years - we are bored. During this time I have left one relationship, left one job, started another; my life doesn't measure up to the same stable boyfriend and same job she has held for the past two years (and well before then) yet I'm as stale as she is.

While we talk, my mind flickers back through the potholes of my past, and most vividly, the sister she has, whom I loved like any boy would love the last hand that grabbed him before he tumbled into the abyss. I think of my friend as a 15 year old and myself as a 16 year old. I remember a smile, orange triangles, and a sunny August day in a fuelled country town.

I consider the way in which I viewed myself as a potential adult when I was in my teens, what I expected I would be doing, where I expected I would be. There were no plans then, nothing; I have no memory of what I thought I would be doing. There are no plans now. My life is now a 12 month deadline, beyond which I have no idea where I will be and what I will be doing. A deadline flavoured with the sinking feeling that I may still be at university in some capacity beyond the end of next year.

Where we talked two years ago almost exclusively about the characters of our past, and in some cases, her present - now we deal more often in taking stock of our lives now, and where we are going. My friends have travelled, some have moved out. I'm treading water in this set of middle grounds - I can travel, but I don't fancy paying for it. I can move out, but I don't like paying rent. I can leave university, but I don't want to work fulltime. I want a pile of debt, but can't have it while I don't work fulltime.

We collect our thoughts across a half hour of sighs and raised eyebrows about the self imposed inescapability of our situations. I realise that despite my protests, I'm addicted to being boring, and nothing will change. It is an addiction with the most boring of side effects.

Never really tied down, but never really free.

One Summer

2005-11-07T10:02:00.000+11:00

It's tough studying, trying to motivate yourself to do something you truly loathe.

However it's even tougher when, as a hater of managment jargon such as 'value add', you come across a phrase like this in the preparation notes.

Techniques for Change Implementation
...
Create change teams.
Foster idea champions.

Hope and Validation are united again.

2005-11-04T14:03:00.000+11:00

The essay is finished.

I now know more about the Howard Government's proposed industrial relations reforms than I care to share with you. There are few sweeter feelings you can have as a Uni student than the feeling of handing in an essay, after numerous days of computer based labour producing it. The arboury sound of the stapled paper assignment slipping into the oldschool wooden essaybox. The brief satisfied smile that greets my lips.

I want this on record because I have found over the many years here that this feeling is in fact one of the few fleeting 'joys' of uni life. The sheer underwhelmingness of this fact leads me to believe that maybe I am not getting everything out of university that I should.

We now enter the exam study zone, where the ingredients of the coming days are a stew of study, procrastination and fretting. Add in a pinch of calculating my mark in the subject so far, and you just about have my plans for the next few days leading up to Monday's exam.

This period of the year sees me become weary in appearance and mindset, prematurely aging my boyish good looks.

(I can nay uphold my spot as Melbourne's most eligable blogger if I look tired and disheartened.)

That's enough flirting with my readership for one day.

Public Folly

2005-11-01T12:10:00.000+11:00

Gladly I'm not the only person suffering through a public holiday here at uni. Although, I have to say that the idea of coming here to spend your time on the main lawn sunbaking makes no sense to me. Don't people have homes? Backyards?

I guess sunbaking on the university lawn is an example of the sort of sacrifice that 'on-campus' students make. I'm sure their parents are glad their hard earned is spent on sun screen.

I digress. I'm here finishing the unfinishable essay - I'm also here in a cruel twist of fate (Nb: probably not the correct use of that particular phrase.)Ordinarily, the week of the Melbourne Cup is during the exam period, leaving me unable to attend for the duration of my adult life - except for that year I wasn't at uni, but I was probably too busy being poor then, I don't know, I forget.

This year I was considering going because it would leave me ample time to 'study' before exams. My motives for going are weak, I have no interest in horse racing, but during almost every exam period in the past, I have had an exam on either Cup Day, or Derby Day (the Thursday following). This has meant sitting through an exam that is attended by approximately two dozen girls in full evening attire, ready to hop a bus to Flemington.

This year, I would strike a blow against the evil god of university exams and go to the Cup, and still attend the exams...but it isn't to be, I'm here finishing the unfinishable essay.

Standing Up.

2005-10-24T21:32:00.000+10:00

It's 9.30pm, and I'm using a library computer standing up.

How exotic*.

(*Author is nearing the end of the semester, and is probably going nuts.)

Ricky May is Dead.

2005-10-22T19:51:00.000+10:00

Last week this week, another year nearing an end. Two assignments and a three exams to go, and I am completely bereft of creative thought.

This is going to get a lot worse before it'll get any better.

A Symphony in Two Parts.

2005-10-19T01:19:00.000+10:00

Five minutes prior to yesterday's presentation I met my partner for the first time. We had been in touch over the phone a couple of time since our tutor has hooked us up together some two months prior. I broke my cardinal rule of not having cased out the presentation beforehand and then staking a claim on my role in it. This left my partner to pick whatever he wanted and then leave me the rest, which he did - in spades.

We had to discuss a particular managment scenario and relate it to the subject matter of that week's chapter of reading. Naturally, my slumbering ways left him discussing the chapter's key themes, and me actually having to present 5 to 6 minutes of verbal window dressing that actually answered the questions we were required to answer.

This 'presentation' was worth 20% of our mark in the subject, and it was a solid gold 20%, with my partner managing to basically give a presentation loosely based on the lecture we'd had that week, right down to snatching the over heads from that lecture and reusing them for his 5 minutes of monotone rambling.

Rambling that was eerily reminiscent of this cracking soundbite from the opening scenes of Napoleon Dynamite:

Last week, Japanese scientists explaced- placed explosive detonators at the bottom of Lake Loch Ness to blow Nessie out of the water. Sir Curt Godfrey of the Nessie Alliance summoned the help of Scotland's local wizards to cast a protective spell over the lake and it's local residents and all those who seek for the peaceful existence of our underwater ally.

This of course left me to answer the question, and actually make a presentation that emitted even the faintest signals that we'd had three or four minutes of cognitive thought amongst us for the past two months.

The result was 15/20 and me sleeping most of the afternoon and evening.

Plea Bargain

2005-10-18T04:25:00.000+10:00

"I don't know what you're expecting tomorrow, but I just want to get in there, get 15/20 and get out."

I've never met my presentation partner for today before, but I already like his style.

his campfire flickering, on the landscape

2005-10-16T23:10:00.000+10:00

We're in the final sprint towards the line here, and I have a couple of assignments to hand in and three exams to sit.

How exciting. None of this allows for the fact that I have three hundred other things happening at the same time.

I'm the perpetual juggler, trying to keep everything in the air. (I reserve the right to wear emo glasses and refer to my troubles at any time, beware.) I've always had lots on my plate, and for some insane, self inflicted reason, lately my plate is full, it's over flowing, it's cascading over the edges.

University should always be my first priority, it's the most expensive thing I have ever been involved in, and I'm going to be saddled with the debt of my tardiness, slackness, and poor decision making for years. University has never been my first priority, and despite the fact that it should be, it wont be for the next few weeks either.

I'll just scramble around ticking assignments off the list in my spare time.

And I'll cry if I want to, cry if I want to.

2005-10-15T22:06:00.000+10:00

From some other day's Age:

Education Minister Brendan Nelson has conceded he may have to postpone the controversial changes (VSU legislation) because the legislation may not be passed in time for the 2006 academic year.

Awww.... BRENDAN! Sucks to be you buddy, imagine having your cherished ideological Liberal baby bumped off the dance sheet because the boss needs to get his unquestionably fair workplace relations laws through parliament as early as possible in the electoral cycle.

Imagine having a former accounting student standing the way of your beloved holy grail policy passing parliament, when and if it finally gets there.

That's totally bogus!

Melbourne University, which stands to lose $12.7 million in compulsory fees, has earmarked $6 million for the services next year.

That gives you some idea how much VSU will screw the delivery of services in universities.

Kerryn Phelps could totally do the job better.

Gary From The Block

2005-10-05T01:46:00.000+10:00

(The Gary Chronicles I II III IV)

Gary, complete with leather jacket and matching slacks, settled down next to me at a lecture earlier this semester. In typical fashion, we got to talking about Gary, and his lady troubles.

Gary's long term ex had been a pretty asian girl called Nicole, and Gary talked about how he was basically over her, and although it was a shame how things ended, he was pleased to have moved on. One of the ways Gary had moved on was to go on a date with another asian girl. I'll let Gary and his crisp Indian accent take it from here...

"I'm a bit hesitant about seeing anyone again, but I had decided to do the right thing and get out and meet girls again, so I invite this girl in one of my tutes to go out on a date.

"I say to her that I will meet her at the Box Hill station.

"I get there, and well, there are lots of asian girls there. Um... I couldn't recognise which one was her. There were a few that could have been her, but I wasn't sure which was her.

"So I am like panicking, I'm way out of my depth, I still couldn't work out which one was her. So I called her, said I was feeling sick, and asked her to meet me at a particular spot.

"I decided to not see her again after that."

I'm in love.

2005-10-03T00:19:00.000+10:00

(from Darpism.)

Meeting Agenda: Sweet FA

2005-10-02T00:43:00.000+10:00

Our group met last Wednesday - actually it was the Wednesday before last. In the midst of going about the million other things I do, none of which are ever discussed here, the week before last was particularly busy. Legitimately busy, not 'I couldn't be bothered going to my friends/workmates/sister's partners party/get together/engagement/housewarming/bar be que because I am busy' busy - I meant I was busy, I had deadlines and turn around times, and things that had to be done.

The thing I hate most about group work (yeah you better believe I am blogging about gawd damn group work again) is the lame pretension that passes for commitment to the task at hand. Lame meetings, lame meetings that could be conducted over a phone, lame unproductive shitbag meetings. The three post 9am morning hours of the Wednesday before last were spent at work cursing to a work-mate about the intense level of annoyance that exists just below my outer surface (a surface constructed entirely of spite) with regards to stupid meetings.

To me it makes approximately zero sense to drive an hour, to sit out the front of a Library and look at each other and say, "You know what, I'm... yeah" while trying to hide the extent of nothing you have done to contribute to the assignment so far. It makes no sense when you can guarantee that two of the five members of the group won't be there. I haven't fucking met two of the members of my group yet (one of whom was described as a 'space cadet' by one of the attending members) - we hand the fucking assignment in next week. Obviously the have yet to be 'rostered' on at the same lame meeting yet. Horse Shit.

The hearty level of cussing in the above paragraphs probably doesn't reflect the true level of couldn't-give-a-fuckedness I have about whether or not other group members show up. I really couldn't care, it's just that them not being there underlines how pointless being there is. In the end, we resolved to, against better judgement, set an artificial deadline for handing out work up to the organiser (see also: masochist).

We decided to make last Friday the day we would send through any sections we had finished to the poor bastard who threw himself upon the poisoned chalice of collating the assignment. You would not believe it, the sort of bullshit I ordinarily leave till the very last minute, got emailed through completed to the gimp on Friday. I'm not entirely sure what happened, but the salivating thought of not having to spend the last two days before the assignment is due in constant contact with a group of people hitched together by one assignment, 1500 words of killer, 3500 words of filler, and three dozen excuses for not having completed work - probably spurred me to get it done in advance.

(Enny - 'The character Kerouac describes is listlessly floating through the ether of a mid 1950's serviceman shack community life.' I love the word ether - I choose to tag no one.)

Don't Cry For Me Assignment About Mexico

2005-09-28T01:14:00.000+10:00

(...the truth is I'll never finish you.)

Hey Mexico,

I've been checking out your shit.

What's been going down man? Word is you that the FOX has been bringing home the economic and political stability bacon daddy-o. Inflation is down, and the GDP is up! Gold Star!

You're all up in America's grill with that NAFTA thing hey? I know the FOX has been working hard to ensure that you're chief export is frosty cold Coronas, and not illegal immigrants.

I've been reading up on your economic reforms. People are still earning dirt. How cliche is it to say '10% of the population controls 40% of the wealth'? Pretty cliche huh - but that's going down man. You've got some serious inequality problems, but hey, you wont fit in at the OECD if you can't flash that badge at the door.

And how about some financial information websites in English? The rest of the planet would like to know a little more about how exactly your families are paying the bills. I shouldn't have to hire out White Men Can't Jump and suffer through Rosie Perez to get a grasp of your spanish language websites.

There is no point trying to hide your curiously highly levels of underemployment. Oh yeah, that's right, I know what underemployment means - and don't bother pulling the piss with fudging the figures, and counting people who work a single hour a week as being employed, no one is buying that shit.

I've got some worries. You've got some problems with crime. I didn't know how to tell you; Guatemala was all, "hey man, Mexico will be mega pissed if you go him on the crime thing," and I was all, "Fucken cool it Guatemala, you punk bitch, Mexico needs to know this shit."

Seriously, people are getting kidnapped and shit - and not just kids, ADULTS TOO. Do you know how much tourists hate that? One minute you're sight seeing in Mexico City, the next you're being bundled into the boot of a Fiat and driven to an undisclosed location, at which point you are bound, gagged and photographed under some terribly unfavourable lighting. That sucks Mexico - that'd ruin even the maddest holiday.

Do you know how much that kills tourism? Who'd want to hit the mean streets of Mexico with a bum bag on and a passport jammed in your shorts if it means someone was mailing your thumb to your family a week later?

And come on, someone must have been taking the piss when you guys launched a crackdown on drug cartels that wound up arresting piles and piles of military, police and politicians. It's like you rocked up at your house after a late night at the office, you put the key in your front door and walk in, and then your family spring out from behind your furniture with a cake and streamers, screaming - "SURPRISE! YOU ARE DODGY AS FUCK!"

That'd blow, royally.

But I have to say, it looks like after 71 years of oppressive rule by the Institutional Revolutionary Party (How long can a revolution take, seriously, a month? Two months? Not 71 years surely.), you guys have at least tried to get it together on the democracy front. And I'm glad someone finally slipped you guys the note about trying to pay attention to what you spend money on.

All in all, keep on trying tiger, you're doing okay so far, but you've got along way to go. Oh, and, what're you doing Saturday? Want to bring over some tacos and come Coronas? I've got nothing planned except this ridiculous group assignment about your seedy banana republic - let me know.

Cheers, The Student.

Why I don't sell my marketing books.

2005-09-19T03:40:00.000+10:00

At the begining of every semester I sell my books. It's the great cliche of uni that the books are expensive, and yes, yes they are. I sell mine off and then use that cash to buy the next semester's set.

I keep all the marketing text books, because I am getting a makreting degree. I can see some point in the future where I'm going to need to walk into a meeting at work and have to sound important. Dropping a few marketing terms, dazzling the head of accounts. This is the reason I am storing a pile of marketing text books that is collectively worth more than my first car.

How many times have you heard someone say:

"The second the exam is over, everything I have learnt over the six months is out of my head."

The problem I have is that I feel like I have forgotten everything the moment the unit has been completed. I failed Accounting once, and then passed it with flying colours the next semester. Now, a year later, I can't remember a thing I learnt.

Is there something fundemantally wrong with this?

This degree is a massive drain on my time, yet I suspect I'll be coming out the other end of it with nothing more than a peice of paper that makes me more employable, and a stack of marketing text books to refer to when I fear I'll look stupid at work.

University Life Glossary Term #11

2005-09-19T03:38:00.000+10:00

Chinese Water Torture

Any assignment that penalises you 1% per day late.

"This assignment is 3 days late, that's 3%. If I hand it in tomorrow, that 4% - what harm is an extra 1%?"

"We promise to cut down on needless gravy..."

2005-09-17T16:36:00.000+10:00

Obviously taking an interest in politics and studying it at uni makes a me a bit of a political junky. Today the 2.8million electors of New Zealand go to the polls to elect a new government. They have an unusual system of electing members of parliament, one too complicated for me describe here - but they do have a handy example ballot paper.

Personally, I think the sensible vote is for the Leek. I'd be hoping it can form a coalition with Chicken, forming a pie that is popular in the electorate.

That would tasty policy.

This Is How The Song Goes Out

2005-09-17T13:27:00.000+10:00

This is a scam.

I'm actually snowed with uni at the moment, not to mention a rising swell of work in other areas. Consequently whenever it comes to writing here I feel like I have nothing to add.

Oh, apart from the group assignment, which I have successfully managed to do 'by correspondence.' I decided I couldn't be bothered going to the first meeting, which is fraught with 'being allocated the worst of the sections' danger. I decided to put in place a pre-emptive strike.

I had a quick look at the requirements of the report we have to do, and messaged the group ring leader/victim and offered to do the following: the executive summary, political analysis, and competitor analysis - three things which should equate to about one quarter of the task. Before I hit send, I decide to play nice and offer to participate over the odds. So I offered the executive summary, political analysis, competitor analysis and the product analysis instead.

The message comes back informing me: "hey, you only have to do the executive summary, political analysis, and competitor analysis."

Me. Candy. A baby. Taking. You get the picture.

Aside

2005-09-07T09:56:00.000+10:00

I have lost a (full) wallet and a pair of glasses at uni over the last year, and both have been handed in to lost and found.

Thank YOU kind hearted souls!

In Oklahoma, not Arizona.

2005-09-06T10:59:00.000+10:00

I have no idea what week it is.

Week 8? Week 7? Week imminent Failure?

Simple numerics isn't enough to catch the attention of my television and internet addled mind. Each of the weeks needs a catchphrase that will make it palatable to the marketplace, in the same vein as Operation Desert Fox, Operation Desert Storm, Operation Just Cause, Operation Uphold Democracy, and the classic Operation Enduring Freedom (the US invasion of Afghanistan in 2001 for those of you keeping score at home).

Week 1 could easily be Operation It Doesn't Matter the Tutes Don't Start Till Next Week Anyway.

Week 2, Operation I Can Afford to Miss A Week.

Week 3 becomes Operation Time to Get Serious.

Week 4, Operation Enduring Malaise.

This coming week needs a name the encapsulates the desperate urgency with which I should approach my studies:

Operation Unparalleled Panic.

State of the Union of The Opinionated People From Year Twelve

2005-09-06T00:23:00.000+10:00

Politics is a left wing snap at my uni. The administered by Andrew Bolt cannon fodder courses - while definatly non partisan - are generally a touch red. The tutes, or 'speak easys', have been suprising though.

In my previous experience there has always been an element of the right in the tutes, generally a disaffected young Liberal who thought they should stick up for a federal government that has pillaged university budgets for almost a decade.

I expected to see the break down of the class (of 20) something like this:

Left: 8
Right: 2
Tired: 4
Too Dumb to Know What Left or Right Means: 2
Informal: 3
Didn't Do This Weeks Work and Is Laying Low:1

In reality this semester it's more like:
Left: 12
Right: 0
Tired: 2
Democrat: 1
Year Twelve Formal Planning Committee: 3 (all three of them go to the same tute together)
Too Dumb to Know What Left or Right Means: 1
Didn't Do This Weeks Work and Is Laying Low: 1 (rusted on voter)

In case you haven't noticed, I'm pretty squarely planted in the left, however I occasionally sit on the cross benches as someone who Didn't Do This Weeks Work and Is Laying Low. I find myself slipping into the devil's advocate role and start spouting right wing mantras in order to balance the amount of latent Howard Bashing (tm) that passes for discussing the current weekly topic.

There is no funny punchline to this story.

The Path of Group Resistance

2005-09-05T19:14:00.000+10:00

Guess who has another group assignment this semester? That's right, your old pal the student.

Yes, after last semester's painful, painfull and protracted group assignment, I have officially taken the path of least resistance approach to this group assignment.

Number of meetings so far: Zero.

Total group members I have met: 1/3.

Amount of work I will do: Exactly one quarter, not a word more.

My official duties for this assignment will include laying on a fold out banana lounge and sipping a pina colada from half a coconut.

Suckers!

Ghost Dad....I mean....Town, Ghost Town.

2005-08-30T11:52:00.000+10:00

There is no one here today.

The student body is the definition of a fair weather friend. When things are nice and sunny, the campus is a swarming mess of people. When it's raining and cold, there is no one here.

In my experience, Tuesdays are the busiest day (this is based on it always been harder to find a car park on a Tuesday) yet today the place is just empty. But it is about week five, and week five marks the begining of the end for most second semester subjects.

Attendance drops, interest levels wane, medical certificates flourish. The swarming mess of sunny days passed dilutes into a hardcore group of nonattendees, and those down and out souls who are lured to the darkside, to the library.

The only warm place on campus is the library. The moment the automatic doors open and the temperate 24 degree climate controlled environment seeps out, washing over your cold and weary limbs, an urge overcomes you, demanding you get your heat fix within it's book filled walls.

The library is warm for no reason other than to encourage you to come inside. It's all a ruse, they just want you to learn.

Fun Chubby

2005-08-28T20:43:00.000+10:00

Back to the grindstone this week.

*daydreams an existance that doesnt involve university*

Bill Bryson Sux 4 EVA!

2005-08-24T09:55:00.000+10:00

Since no one wants to hear about my recent sojourn to the Tropical Far North, I'll spare you the details, other than to say that Gary Coleman doesn't have a scratch on the tan I am weilding at the moment.

I also wont tell you about the troupe of Karate competitors - who to a person cannot pick up,and also can't take a joke about Karate - No, I know it's Karate, I was JOKING when I said TAI CHI! I'll spare you the intimate details of The Woolshed - the Tropical Far North's answer to a meat market. I'll also avoid mentioning the words 'relaxing' 'hot' 'blue skies' 'rainy Melbourne' 'sun' and'local inbreds'.

I will however remind you that I have a MOUNTAIN of work to do when I get home, it's not like The Student doesn't suffer for his art you know!

OverDue

2005-08-16T11:48:00.000+10:00

I’m making a very poor start to the semester look very good.

In other facets of my life, I’m articulate and knowledgeable. I display a knack for retaining random snippets of information and using them to good effect when the moment calls.

But at uni I seem to glaze over the moment text is placed in front of me, and I’m particularly having trouble retaining information at the moment. The beginning of the semester is this Shock And Awe style barrage of information, as four subject supervisors dedicate ten minutes of the first lecture to telling the assembled education victims that:

“There is a learning curve in this subject, things may not make sense immediately, but by about week 8, everything falls into place.”

Eight weeks is a long time to spend scratching your head wondering what a subject is about; eight weeks is a very long time to spend scratching your head wondering what FOUR subjects are about.

In reality, I have no option but to just deal with it™, because as I tell people who ask me how I’m going at uni…

“Okay. I'd like to leave, but I’m that far in that I can’t stop now.”

Joke

2005-08-15T20:27:00.000+10:00

Heard the one about the guy who drives an hour to uni just to pick up a course guide that he has organised a lecturer to pin to their door, just to get to uni and find that it isn't there, thereby negating the whole point of even coming?

Oh yeah, it's REAL funny.

..and the sky is grey.

2005-08-11T20:34:00.000+10:00

It's brutal at uni at the moment. My university is a bleak place to be when it's wet and cold. The library affords the only relief from the cold - a cruel ploy to sucker students into learning.

Right now Melbourne, like a lot of the state, is in the midst of a cold snap that saw harried city cased workers looking skyward yesterday as the bureau of meteorol...meteol....weather offered odds of 4/10 for snow falling in the city. Other parts of the state were blanketed in snow, and areas like Ballarat (pictured below) snagged decent, and evidently photogenic, falls.

Half way between the car and my tute today I discovered just how 'waterproof' my new jacket is, as the rain hammered me and several on campus students scurrying between under cover areas.

In the midst of all this, it might be worth pointing out that as of the middle of next week, I'll be heading here:

..for a week of reading a book, drinking by the pool, and lapping up the sun.

In the meantime, I have to hand in the three assignments that are due during that week by this coming Tuesday.

I am like SO hard done by.

BLAH!

2005-08-11T20:32:00.000+10:00

Politics is back baby, and not much has changed since the first semester of 2003 when I first (actually it was the second time) I tackled it.

Politics is a lot harder to study than it sounds. For the most part the subject matter is dry and wordy.

The lectures usually aren't that bad, and the one think that hasn't changed about the lectures for me in the Old Politics Lady Who Refuses to Die(tm).

Old Politics Lady Who Refuses to Die(tm) has been a rather vocal fixture of politics lectures for a while now, showing no fear of the disapproving look, Old Politics Lady Who Refuses to Die(tm) deems fit to pipe up with a comment on the lecture whenever she likes.

During last weeks two hour lecture, she piped up twice with inane commentary on random topics of discussion. She also loves a "waiting to enter the lecture hall chat about random shit for the five minutes preceding the beginning of the lecture", huge fan of that.

Perhaps the more disconcerting thing about the lecture was the 'Year 12 Formal Planning Committee' sitting behind me. Comprising of overly tanned cute brunette, skinny blonde with ugly fringe and straw textured hair, and shortish blonde with an unfortunate head not dis-similar to former channel 7 newsreader Anne Foreward's, they formed a vapid trinity of boring that sucked the humble out of the room.

Highlighted by the dazzling array of highlighters (highlighting passages has always been the very lazy, very poor cousin of taking notes) spread across their desk, and the BIG FUCK OFF LAW BOOK -

"Hey. HEY. I study law. LOOK HOW BIG THIS BOOK IS! It's LARGE. Don't let my solarium addled skin fool you, I must be MAD SMART."

- needlessly sitting next to the brunette, they couldn't be less interested in politics or more interested in bar night.

The best bit about politics is that the exams are only worth 30%, and not 70 like they are in business. Hoo Fucking Ray.

Say it aint so...

2005-08-10T12:16:00.000+10:00

The horror.

Link.

"But hopes for a smooth transition went awry last week when news of Trioli's departure from 774 became common knowledge among her colleagues at the Melbourne station. ABC management denied Trioli was moving to Sydney. Trioli declined to answer questions when contacted yesterday."

She isn't returning my calls either!

Poster Sale

2005-07-28T22:38:00.000+10:00

At the begining of every semester, there is a poster sale at uni, I have a theory that the poster you buy pretty much describes the sort of person you are. With the substandard help of my camera phone, here's the slim pickings from this semester's poster sale.

Try hard, wannabe 'one of the boys'.
I've never understood how anyone who has actually tried Guinness would own a poster like this, only a down home sophisticated Khe Sahn enjoying wank, desperate to fit in with the boys, and eager to presume to have a higher level of beer appreciation, would have a Guinness poster on their wall.

The chronically undersexed.
No guy who is getting any has a poster like this on his wall - but hey, next time Suzie knocks him back at Barnight, he can consult reason #9 A beer won't complain when you take it's top off in a bar, and chuckle to himself as he drowns the screams of lonliness from inside himself with pot after pot of Tooheys New.

18 year old girl who lives on campus and has regrettable one night stands with the same guy.
After six month of regular, and occasionally unprotected, one night stands with the same guy 'Stevo' - and one time with his mate 'Rob' but they were drunk and nothing happened that really means anything anyway - this poster is one way that she plasters over the total lack of ruling she does when it comes to refusing the advances of said Stevo - and as of last Friday night, Rob, again.

The tragically unhip.
Owning the Best of The Doors doesn't permit you to put this on your wall.

See The chronically undersexed above, subtract everything from 'but hey, next time Suzie knocks him back at Bar night' onwards, and add 'and if he had any mates who didn't spend every waking hour playing Warcraft, he'd have a wingman to help him try and get some at Barnight.' in it's place.

Mildly overweight girls who never grew out of that 'phase' in Year 9.
Come on guys, he's been dead for ages. Dave Grohl has released a Christmas album in the meantime, Courtney Love is fat now, and you guys are still getting around with your white Nirvana MTV Unplugged t-shirts, excessive mascara and no idea. Owner of this poster may or may not think Jeff Buckley is also great.

The deliberatly mainstream.
A good mate of mine has one of these, he also owns cricket DVD's, Tommy Hilfiger polos, Nike ear rings, sensible pants, those not quite jocks-not quiote boxer shorts, excellent hair, and a 5ive CD. (Love ya Cavalier!)

Lonely 20 year old girl, with a long term boyfriend who lives interstate.
With no need to be attractive to the opposite sex at uni, Little Miss Boyfriend Who Lives Interstate can afford to be painfully crap, wear tracksuit pants all too often, and be totally self righteous about her friends relationships, because, hers is wonderful!

First year cinema students.
"Kill Bill Volume Two is clearly Tarantino's finest work. It compliments the first film, yet takes the story to new heights and shows us what a visionary he truly is."

Too unco-ordinated for cricket in primary school, too antisocial for football.
Everyone I've ever known who played basketball competitivly was always a little too self absorbed, and a little too unaware of how lame basketball really is. This poster, featuring the greats of the noble sports of basketball and er... boxing - Michael Jordan and Mohammed Ali - and is reminiscent of other great partners in their fields, like Tango and Cash, Fred and Ginger, Vodka and Orange.

Insecure white guys who have already got an Eminem poster.
No black guy bothers with the sort of angry bling bling and a big jacket social barrier that hoardes of under and overweight white guys get about in, mainly because they are too busy being popular with the ladies. I presume this is a tribute to black rappers poster, unless of course, they have brought out a cinematic remake of Fat Albert that I'm unaware of?

Campus Fashions

2005-07-27T23:45:00.000+10:00

Standing outside a lecture theatre yesterday, a guy from the lecture preceding mine smugly walked out with a group of friends. His addition to his headwear caught my eye. I watched the guy walk ten metres, expecting him to rectify the situation - but this was no spare of the moment thing, this fashion crime was deliberate.

Allow me to reinact it for you below.

Did I miss a meeting? When was this tabled? I don't recall reading 'people can now act like cocks with stationery' in the minutes.

Uni goes LIVE.

2005-07-26T12:28:00.000+10:00

I'm posting from uni, hoping to encapsulate the unbridled excitement of my first day back for this semester.

SQUEAL at the terrifying array of bad haircuts!

CRINGE at the sad faces of desolate students!

DISMAY at my inability to make this sound remotely amusing!

True to form, I slept in the morning, unable to get out of bed in the face of the cold wet day and terrifying array of learning that awaited me at uni.

I've successfully negotiated my way back into studying politics, which I can honestly say is excellent, not least of all because I'll have more arts (picture bad hair, and even worse vocal opinion) based blog content, but because it means I can write an essay again.

An ESSAY! SHOCK! HORROR!

It also means that I am in class with Ruth, which will no doubt see us trying to 'out-cynical' each other during lectures.

Believe it or not, I'm about to hit a library stall and do some study, not because I want to, but because the library is the ONLY warm place in the entire uni.

(Right now, there is more of me talking here.)

University Life Glossary Term #10

2005-07-25T15:33:00.000+10:00

Mid Year Holiday

The eye of the storm.

I've been meaning to...

2005-07-22T15:41:00.000+10:00

Uni is back next week, and I couldn't be in a less welcoming mood. The prospect of going back is reasonably bleak. This year, moreso than most, I really feel like I haven't had a holiday at all, I've been working and working and working.

My results were to be expected, but I have a suspicion this semester will be better. Here's to hoping there's no more group assignments.

I feel tired and disinterested...it's like I haven't left uni.

On Monday I have to go and change all my subjects, with this semester finally heralding my return to studying politics. It's good to be able to study some non business subjects again, get away from the boring monotony of numbers and cumbersome economic theory.

I can't say I'm looking forward to Monday, standing in a queue with the tens and tens of other students, fiddling with the carefully constructed timetable, dreaming of my bed at home, fantasizing about the guilty pleasures of sleep. At least Monday is the start of the third last semester (fingers crossed) of this long and debtful journey towards a degree.

Fanning.

2005-07-08T12:30:00.000+10:00

Despite the miseries.

The lessons learned from history.

The pattern still repeats.

Never to surrender - don't you ever retreat.

So how far have we really come?

To the ones who are leading us?

Make peace their resolution tonite.

Make peace your resolution tonite.

There's an arms race to be run.

Building bigger better dagger headed bombs.

So lets drink to the daughters and sons.

Never to return to their mothers arms.

So how far have we really come?

To the ones who are leading us?

Make peace their resolution tonite.

Make peace your resolution tonite.

For every battle lost and won.

Are these the ones that we offer up?

So how far have we really come?

To the ones who are leading us?

Make peace their resolution tonite.

Make peace your resolution tonite.

Vale (I've always wanted to title something with the word 'Vale')

2005-07-03T14:59:00.000+10:00

It's important I acknowledge the last post (and chorus) of UK (nee Japan, nee Melbourne) blogger Momo.

I can get away with this because when writing a media essay on the 'emergence of the internet' a few years ago, I actually interviewed the popular 'Melbourne blog identity' for the essay. Interviewed, as in, on the phone, as in, semi real life, which was quite an 'emergence of the internet' experience.

Momo is best example I could give you of a blogger who is effortlessly stylish and admirable, yet not up herself - something many authors of internet web logs aren't. Her blog has been something I have enjoyed reading for a long time, and I will miss using it to avoid study.

Fear Not

2005-06-27T18:00:00.000+10:00

HOW ON EARTH will you get by now that The Student has finished the semester?

How will your idle hours of reading blogs at work to pass time be complete without a twice weekly Treading Water 101 fix? Where will you go when you simply absolutly possitivly have to read the ranting of the painfully self absorbed?

I have good news - or, indifferent news.

One of the things I have grown to enjoy most about the mid-year break is the fact that it brings the Melbourne International Film Festival (MIFF) with it. And this year that means that I'm going uber minimalist and diarising my viewing and happenings at the festival.

Treading Water 101 will be quiet for a few weeks while uni is in recess, in the meantime, brace yourself for Treading Cinema!*

(* I'm reliably told the marketing term for this is a line extension.)

Delay

2005-06-27T17:30:00.000+10:00

Anxiety.

Deterrent

2005-06-23T22:20:00.000+10:00

As if you needed any clues after reading the post below, but I am officially battling the tendency to 'check out' of this semester. Studying is hard work because, well, I want to burn this first semester bridge and focus on the important things which I have tricked myself into believing I have been missing out on this semester, namely: sleep ins, not having to go to uni, freedom from homework.

The reality is that I have slept in most of the semester, rarely gone to uni, and haven't exactly stretched myself in the homework department.

So why is it that at the end of every semester of reckless laziness I breathe a sigh of relief and tell myself that finally I am able to relax and Take It Easy?*

University Life Glossary Term #9

2005-06-23T22:14:00.000+10:00

Disconnection

The period of time between your second last exam and your last exam. During this time, a student will automatically disconnect from the task at hand, and descend into 'holiday mode'.

Desolation

2005-06-21T00:50:00.000+10:00

We got 12.2 out of 20 for the assignment.

Fuck.

Clutter

2005-06-20T22:10:00.000+10:00

How about a behind the scenes, blow by blow analysis of an all nighter? How about Treading Water 101 takes uni based blogging to new heights? How about I take procrastination to new lows by bloging about procrastination while procrastinating?

To study for this Marketing Communications exam, there are 12 sections of between 8 and 10 pages each, which I need to read in order to have any idea in the exam - which is at 9am Monday morning.

Sunday Nite:

9.00pm: TV is turned off, and a sugar free V is consumed (The Student likes to watch his weight while staying up all night reading about sales promotion) there by signalling the begining of study.

9.38pm: Part one finished.

10.00pm: Realise: 'Hey maybe i'm not so fucked afterall!"

10.17pm: Second V is consumed.

10.30pm: Receive comment from usch (hi usch!)

10.33pm: Part two finished.

10.42pm: Scrap doing certain section in favour of less bullshit one.

10.50pm: IN TER STI TIALS

10.51pm: Part three finished.

10.52pm: Repeatedly say 'hi' to snobby fucker on msn who won't say 'hi' back.

10.53pm: Change msn username to 'It's Snobby Fucker Night'

10.54pm: Contemplate the wisdom of being on msn while trying to study.

11.24pm Download Cruise Control by the Headless Chickens after reading this post about the dolphin duo.

11.28pm: Part four finished.

11.30pm: Switches on TV to watch Roos V. Freo replay.

11.39pm: Wonder what 'THOMOOO is doing right now?'

11.45pm Start slacking off after having realised I'm going to have all the reading done by 2am at this rate.

11.46pm Realise what a fucked logic it is to stay up all night, when I only have to stay up half of it.

11.51pm Continue slacking off.

12.36am Part five finished.

1.27am Listen to Breakdown by Seven Mary Three after talking to Erica.

1.47am Part six finished.

2.26am Part seven finished.

2.30am Wrote this post.

2.45am Consume third V (According to the can, I have now officially exceeded the MAX DAILY INTAKE)

2.50am Consult with Ruth about how I'm HYSTERICALLY funny tonite.

2.57am Download Tiny Dancer by Elton John.

3.11am Delirium kicks in.

3.22am My knees start to hurt.

3.16am Part eight finished.

3.28am Part nine finished.

3.29am Part ten is skipped as it sounds like total shite.

3.40am CRAVATS!

4.00am Switched on US Open Golf, in the hope I'll see some nameless Australian win.

4.03am Part eleven finished.

5.23am Part twelve is finished.

5.25am Still delirius.

5.30am Contemplate doing part ten, decide not to after once again confirming that it's arse.

5.40am Ate a breakfast of porridge and skim milk.

5.45am Watched more golf, trying to fight off the need to sleep.

6.45am Fell asleep.

7.30am Woke up.

7.45am Left for Uni.

8.45am Arrived at Uni.

9.00am Exam begins, with my wrists stinging and my head jammed in neutral.

Test it!

2005-06-20T02:27:00.000+10:00

Three tips I recall a politics teacher, and former VCE exam marker telling me on the eve of final high school exams, these go slightly beyond 'dont use shit handwriting'.

1. Use black pen. Upwards of 80% of students write their exam in blue pen, which after reading several hundred exams, is hard to read on a white page. Black is easier to read and will make a happier marker.

2. Write on every second line. This leaves more room for alterations, is easier to read, and looks less cumbersome to your overworked (and reportedly underpaid) exam marker.

3. Know when and how to use ' : ' and ' ; ' - and when not to use ' , '. These three babies can make or break a well thought out and constructed set of ideas and points relating to a short or long answer essay.

Of course, if you're a business student, you should focus on exhibiting the following key attributes:

Boring, Dull, and, Lifeless.

Prayers

2005-06-18T20:04:00.000+10:00

Just pass. Just pass. Just pass. Just pass.

FINISH HIM!

2005-06-14T19:50:00.000+10:00

The Group Assignment has now become the Never Ending Assignment - as it still hasn't been submitted.

In the end, Swaziland became the provider of more than hugs, and chipped in with the extra work needed to ensure less work for me. 4th however became a silent partner, apparently, as it turns out, too STRICKEN with a SUDDEN BOUT of EXTRA STRICKENING Glandular FEVER - SO STRICKENING, that he can't pick up a phone or reach a keyboard, for fear he will be STRICKEN MORE SO THAN HE IS CURRENTLY STRICKEN.

This protracted cold war style festival of distant tardiness started the day the assignment was initially due, with a scratchy phone call in which he told me that the work he was meant to have done wasn't done, and that late the night before, or early that morning, his 'friend' has FALLEN ON HER NECK while DRUNK - and she was at the ACUTE WARD.

ACUTE WARD! OMG! WTF! BBQ!

When you're presented with what appears to be quite a serious scenario, imploring that they give you their share of the assignment is kind of arse, I mean, she could be a quadriplegic right? She could be seriously injured? She could be...in a coma? What does a pissy assignment count when a girl is suffering from a serious neck injury right? This guy is MID-BEDSIDE-VIGIL right?

No, she 'sprained her neck' but in the meantime, over a week passes before 4th manages to email any of us to say where he is. Luckily we had secured a Swaziland related extension, that became a 'we don't know where the fuck 4th is' extension.

From the outset, I've suspected that 4th simply hadn't done any work. The tell tale signs were there, the emails asking to see our sections before he did his, not showing up to meetings - right from the passing of the deadline till now, I've been certain he hadn't actually done anything, with a litany of bullshit excuses in it's place.

Bullshit excuses are my major. Don't bullshit fellow students, we know bullshit excuses, infact, odds are your bullshit excuse is one we've used before; and if it isn't, we're likely to steal it and use it ourselves.

Early last week, 4th reappears with the news that he has had a GLANDULAR RELAPSE - and the more stunning news that he has completed the work, and has emailed his sections to the tutor... but not to us, because, ya know, we only have an incomplete 24 page assignment sitting here waiting for his sections - and his three sections are basically worthless unless they are handed in WITH THE REST OF THE ASSIGNMENT.

(My ability to articulate my frustrations via the use of upper case text KNOWS NO BOUNDS!)

After two emails asking him to send me the assignment, he sent it to me with the instructions that I didn't really need the sections from him - as he had sent them straight to the tutor... fucksnap.

Yesterday he sent me the sections, and today (after considerable editing and cussing) I finished the assignment - tomorrow I hand it in.

Group work sucks.

Acceptance

2005-06-13T20:01:00.000+10:00

In the past, when I had exam study to do, I would make offerings to the gods of uni in the form of denying myself social outings and the like. If there were a party to go to, or a football match, or a night out being planned by my friends, I'd say no, then stay home and not study anyway. It's taken a few years to learn that even if I do stay home, I'm not going to do any study, under any circumstances.

With an exam tomorrow, and this being a long weekend, Sunday was spent in the front row at the footy, with cold beer and a winning team, and let's not forget...

...THOMOOOOOOOOOO!

Procrastination

2005-06-09T01:20:00.000+10:00

I'm avoiding study.

Meantime, ABC 774's decision to update it's folio of promotional shots is doing NOTHING to quell my crush on a certain talkback radio presenter.

*swoons*

I am doing too much nothing with too little time.

Final Boss

2005-06-05T00:43:00.000+10:00

13 weeks of intermittent study, blery eyed trips down the Eastern Freeway, reasonably mild weather (yeah I mention the weather a bit, but at my uni the weather counts), missed tutes, unopened text books, and one blog are over.

Showing up late in the semester means two things, i) no trouble parking, and ii) the sense of community you feel in witnessing the same look of faint relief in the faces of everyone else who has just been to their last tute for a subject, the last lecture, handed in the last assignment.

By this stage, the same teensters who showed up first week in their hipsters, are now cold and fluey looking, replete in bad hair and last years trackpants. Nothing says 'Uni has broken me' quite like getting around looking like you have just returned from a camping trip.

The same mid-March sun that warmed them and assured them their year twelve of drinking and a mid 60's final score was going to work out alright has turned into an early-June sting of 1,500 30% assignments and mindless cramming ahead of the upcoming exam period.

I have three exams over the coming month, all well spaced, allowing me maximum panic time before each.

Tortoise

2005-06-02T22:02:00.000+10:00

I have issues with handing in assignments. It'd be fair to say I'm lazy. But, much the same as the last few semesters, everything has come together at the last minute. It's this constant, ongoing, never relenting 'uni work requirements cloud' I live under for 12 weeks - which leads to the best feeling of the semester, the one where I have no more assignments to hand in.

Multiple assignments suddenly get done in a mad flurry during the last week of the semester. For a long time this has stressed me out, but now I've learnt to accept that coming through at the last minute is my specialty, it's when I shine.

My Hero.

Gary Status: Very Single

2005-06-02T19:30:00.000+10:00

(The Gary Saga: 1 - 2 - 3)

After a reasonably wtf? group meeting, I snuck a copy of the age out of the SRC offices and sat down to eat some nori rolls, sold to me by a cold asian girl, and read about the federal government's latest plan to screw workers. Hand extended, Gary appears with a friend of his I was later to discover was Mauritian.

For the next ten minutes, Gary, his mate, and myself shot the breeze about how mindlessly impossible the assignment we were all working on (in our own groups) was. Gary also gave me the unabridged, directors cut of the Taiwan debacle, including the awkward phrase, 'Every time we were out in public and held hands, her dad would come and stand between us.'

Matt appeared, just as Gary spotted a girl clearing up some cafe tables about twenty meters from us, the same cold asian girl who served me nori rolls a half hour before.

(it's important you remember Gary has an rhythmic Indian accent)

Gary: 'See that bitch?' *points at the cold asian girl* 'She is in on of my classes.'

Us: 'Yeah.'

Gary: 'And one day I say to her, 'How about we go and get a coffee sometime?' and she is fine with it, I ask for her number or email. She gives me the email, and it's fucking wrong man, it's fucking wrong.'

Us: *laughter, sly looks of assessment towards the girl, who is by this stage almost done wiping down a coffee smudged table*

Gary: 'I mean. If you aren't interested, just say so, just say no, but don't give me a fucking fake email address. What a bitch man.'